Ultimately Kṛṣṇa is the Judge (09/30/14)
Dear ______ Dāsa,
Yes, many unfortunate things have happened and in all probability there are misperceptions on all sides. Māyā plays her tricks and sometimes makes devotees against each other when in reality all any devotee really wants is to serve guru, Kṛṣṇa and the Vaiṣṇavas peacefully.
Last night I came to know that _____ had a blowout with you on the phone and many harsh things were said…sad really. I have only had love for you and all your family but when I became disturbed I also said some harsh things. Really all I want is peace at the āśrama and Kṛṣṇa consciousness for everyone who comes here. At present it is like I am caught in the middle of the Mahābhārata War. But I only want a Vṛndāvana atmosphere where everyone serves Kṛṣṇa in harmony.
No doubt your service over the years in many areas of the āśrama will be hard to match by anyone in future. But for now some separation is required and maybe in time all things will adjust.
About property etc… I do not want that any devotees causes you or any member of your family any difficulty whatsoever. I have instructed everyone accordingly. No one will interfere in your family or personal matters. But just between you and me, I did not take out any of your family from the āśrama. You took ____ after I kept him in my shelter for about 15 years, and that also hurt me very much. And you did it without any discussion with me as if I was just a nobody and my feelings were of no issue.
Secondly, I have not restricted any of your family from coming to the āśrama. You keep saying over and over again that you do not want your family to have any contact with the āśrama, the devotees and presumably me also. So what I can do? This whole thing is just one big mess created by Māyā. Everyone has their vision, but ultimately it will be Kṛṣṇa who is the judge, and as per my experience those who have done mischief or wrong will have to suffer.
So I am suffering also…not so much from my bad health, but I suffer when I see my spiritual family being torn apart. All that I gave you was to use in the service of Kṛṣṇa and the āśrama…not to sell or take loans etc. Seeing how everything has turned out makes me sad enough to die, but Kṛṣṇa doesn’t want that to happen just now. In future, death is sure – sure for everyone.
In the meantime, I just want to continue my service to my Guardians and hope that they will forgive all my mistakes and offences. When I have to go in front of Yamarāja, I hope he will remember my small sacrifices and the little service to Hari, guru and the Vaiṣṇavas that I have done.
As for my health I am taking care, but the recovery is slow.
Hoping this meets you well.