Please Forgive Me and My Disciples (10/26/10)
I am happy to receive your email. No, you did not ‘offend’ me and I hope that you will not bear any offense from me or my disciples not giving you any time when you last visited the āśrama. Please forgive us if you have been disappointed.
Most of the weeks surrounding your last visit were indeed a blur in my mind. Shortly before I had fallen ill and was admitted in the hospital. It was what we call a ‘near death’ experience. The medicines that I was taking kept me in a daze for quite sometime. I was not in a sociable mood for months after that. During that time I reflected on my life and what was important to me. You came at that time and I thought and spoke to G______ that, “I am not well and now D____ has come. He always ‘passes by’ to say hello, but he does not realize that my advice to him is valuable for his spiritual advancement. He is our friend, but he does not realize the value of what I am trying for years to communicate to him. Besides that, he has also criticized me by saying that I am too critical of iskcon. So what has he understood? Now he is here, but I am not well… so you speak to him and give him prasādam. Tell him I am not well. I have affection for D____ but I cannot see him now.”
That in gist is what I told G____ that day.
You have always been dear to me, but at the same time you have disappointed me because you have not really taken my advice to heart. I saw in you great potential, but you were not getting the proper guidance or the proper association. You became more and more inclined towards the social life in Kṛṣṇa consciousness and not the cultivation of deeper consciousness. I tried for years and years to give you something internal that I received from Śrīla Prabhupāda and Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja, but in the end I felt that you are not interested in what I have to give.
Again, I say please forgive me and my disciples if we have disappointed or offended you.