The First Quality of a Sannyāsī is Fearlessness (11/22/09)
Daṇḍavats ____ Mahārāja,
Interesting email. I see two plans for you and the first one is that you should get to Mexico ASAP and hook up with the two devotees who showed eagerness to travel and preach with you. Forget about traveling ANYWHERE with P_____ Mahārāja. Just go to Mexico and meet up with those two men. Even if they only stick with you for a couple of weeks you will find more interested devotees and people within that time that need and want your association. Just get out there and do it and success will come.
P______ doesn’t control anyone in his mission, so why should he control you? Well, if you are with him personally then he will cramp your style and that’s why I say just get into the preaching field and stop hanging out with him.
That said, the same will be true everywhere. Even if you hang out with me its going to cramp your style. My mission is very small but tight, and there isn’t room for expanding in the way that you need to be engaged. You need a big field and room to grow organically…preaching the way that you understand that Śrīla Prabhupāda would be most happy. Being under me or P____ or anyone else isn’t the best situation for you.
Once you get out there and start preaching you will not need to remain connected to P______, just get started with his men in Mexico and everything will develop naturally. There are hundreds of devotees in Mexico connected to P_____ and to V______’s mission – all of them need association and guidance. Whoever gives them that direction will be there natural born leader. That’s you Mahārāja! You just have to get out there and do it.
If I were you I would start immediately. Wind it up here in India and get into your chosen preaching field.
A second plan for you in my opinion would be to move out separately in Vṛndāvana and get your own situation (rooms, kitchen, etc). There are great opportunities to preach to devotees in Vṛndāvana also. You have money every month…enough to run a small mission in Vṛndāvana. Rent a couple of rooms and set up a mini āśrama in Vṛndāvana. That is how I started in Vṛndāvana in 1989. I rented three rooms from Padmanabha Goswami near Rādhā-Ramaṇa Temple and I began my preaching with only one disciple and he wasn’t even there 75% of the time. With that program there is plenty of time for hearing and chanting also. You have always wanted to spend time in Vṛndāvana as a sādhu. Well, here is your chance – DO IT!.
In my opinion either of these two programs [above] would work for you. But the program of hanging out with P______ isn’t good. I don’t even think you should eat the cooking from his āśrama. It sounds like his whole thing is a little crazy and when you eat the cooking of crazy people it adversely effects your mind, your bhajana and your Kṛṣṇa conscious sense of judgment and understanding.
That is my humble advice, Mahārāja. I hope this gives you some encouragement. Śrīla Prabhupāda wrote that the first quality of a sannyāsī is that he must be fearless. We may sometimes have to be alone and face many obstacles, but the good news is that Kṛṣṇa is our Best Friend and He never abandons or neglects those who endeavor to serve Him sincerely.