The Heart is a Sensitive Organ (02/10/19)
Daṇḍavat Praṇāmas. Śrī Śrī Guru Gaurāṅga jayate.
I am too much disturbed to hear that you have liver cancer. Won’t you consider some alternative procedure while you wait for a transplant. In 2014, I was diagnosed with tumors in my right ureter. I had four surgeries total but the tumors continued to grow. After a year of agonizing medical procedures, I opted for an alternative process. After three months I returned to the kidney clinic for an observatory operation to see if there had been any improvement. The tumors had vanished. The doctors at the clinic (one of the best in Asia) declare it a miracle. I was cancer free and remain so to this day.
Thirty-three years as an independent preacher outside any institution or association with godbrothers/godsisters except for three has been rewarding, but has left me with the inability to be peaceful among such a diverse, and often antagonistic, group of god-siblings.
I have five Facebook outlets and three YouTube channels for sharing my contribution in the preaching field and I have told ______ Prabhu the he and anyone else is at liberty to repost any of those materials as they see fit. For the time being, that is the best I can do.
The heart, as you know, is a sensitive organ and having spent the greatest part of my devotional career among loving and caring Vaiṣṇavas such as Śrīla Prabhupāda, Śrīla Śrīdhara Mahārāja, Śrīla B.P. Purī Mahārāja, Śrīla Govinda Mahārāja and others, I find it heart-wrenchingly painful and unbearable to be surrounded by those who have no love for my Guardians. Yes, they have love for Prabhupāda, but in my life that is not enough. The family of my Guardians is larger than just Prabhupāda, and sadly their’s is not.
As Tamāla Kṛṣṇa Goswami once said to me a few years after I had left ISKCON, “Now you are free to love, but I am not.” And that about sums it up.
Thank you ever so much for your sincere words of wisdom. I will take your request to heart and see if Kṛṣṇa and Prabhupāda show me their mercy and give me a little inspiration to rejoin the Facebook group.
In the meantime, please look after your health as best you can. And above all please always remember me as your eternal servant, although when I served you during your sannyāsa-līlā, I was too passionate and not worthy of the opportunity. Please, therefore, kindly forgive any offenses that I certainly must have made to Your Grace.
Your obedient servant,